Say Your Prayers. Eat Your Vitamins, and Throw Away Your Zubaz

Say Your Prayers.  Eat Your Vitamins, and Throw Away Your Zubaz
May 09, 2008, 10:36 am
If any one out there knows Hulk Hogan please tell him that I found the only other person worldwide that still wears Zubaz pants. This cat also has a mullet but I will let that go since he wears it well.

I am not a ‘fashionista’ by any means, but at least the people in my inner circle would laugh out loud at me if I wore something this outdated. The worst part about this Zubaz-wearing “Hulkster” is that he works out at our gym and smells like he has two hamburgers and some onion rings in his pockets. I would like to go up to him and say in my best hulk voice, “Listen hear Brother. Thanks for all the support, but I am the only human still allowed to wear the Zubaz. P.S. Little Hulksters should also mix a shower with soap into the daily routine.”

Speaking about brothers. Has anyone seen Big Dog? My brother Ryan came to visit us last week but left Big Dog back in Omaha. There wasn’t any speaking in third person or barking, just a few crude remarks. Big Dog… I am not impressed.

Big Dog has been neutered. His sweet little girlfriend made the journey so he was all gentlemanly. Is that a word? Well, calling Ryan a gentleman is like saying a pig wearing a tuxedo is George Clooney. Kristin had him in check with a nasty chokehold so I didn’t have to babysit him very much. No shit. She’s used her meat hook a couple times when he was out of line. I now know that if I want to rack my bro I simply have to hit his girlfriend’s purse.

He didn’t even try to play blackout. Blackout for you churchgoing folk is when you basically drink with no regard for the perception that others might have of you. You have all seen people play this game, but Big Dog and all my guys from S.D. have perfected it. A friend of mine nicknamed Sirus is the Hulk Hogan of Blackout. Lookup Blackout in a dictionary and Sirus will be there. Believe it or not… Big Dog and Sirus both stood up for me at my wedding. They definitely put the ass in class.

My time with Ryan and Big Dog’s obedience trainer was cut short since we had a team bonding/conditioning/get ready for playoffs camp in Greece for a week. It was really unfortunate that I had to leave and stay in a beachfront hotel midway through their visit, but what could I do.

Despite all of the running and practicing, we did have some fun to pass the time and did bond as a team. I even lost a bet to a teammate that an orange couldn’t be thrown 110 yards from a fourth floor balcony into the ocean. Being the savvy businessman that I am, some of the loss was offset when he couldn’t do it with an apple. It was an amazing feat all the same.

However, the biggest feat of the week was when another one of my teammates wore a Breitling watch on a 4-mile morning run. When I called him on it, he said that he paid way too much for it not to wear it. That is at least justifiable. Maybe the cat with the Zubaz has just as good an excuse.

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